like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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