I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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