You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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