2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
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I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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