Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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