i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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