he thought i was a dude.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My vagina just clenched in fear
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize