Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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