So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
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Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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