I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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