That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize