would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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