I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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