Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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