Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I deserve this hangover.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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