11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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