So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize