Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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