good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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