Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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