if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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