I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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