Umm I'm too high to move.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
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we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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I want a musical about memes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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