idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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