Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize