just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize