I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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