Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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