then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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