im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize