Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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