Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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