My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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