areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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