Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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