I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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