Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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