I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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