I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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