So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
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You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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