Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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