the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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