id be glad to
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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