My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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