I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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