just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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