Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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