I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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