it was like eating out sand paper
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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