now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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